My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
