Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
