billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
