The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You ate ashes out of my bong
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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