4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
