I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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