By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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