I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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