A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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