I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
