I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
smell my finger.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
