He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
