She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
