All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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