I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
