there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
