69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
