im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
