where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
