I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
