How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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