did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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