Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
