You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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