I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
