Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
