i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
