Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
