Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
