Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize