I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
