We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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