I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
