Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
