he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
