no, he came in my armpit
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
