Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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