I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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