just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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