Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
