I accidentally burped into my bong.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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