Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
