So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
