hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
