Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
