maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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