we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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