They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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