and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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