good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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