WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
