Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
