Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
