Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
