I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize