it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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