Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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