I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
