I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
