I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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