Im at strip club and am horny
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
