So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
