I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
