I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
