Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
