I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
