:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
