Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
