Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
